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Three Relationship Principles To Cultivate for a Strong Start to Marriage

Three Relationship Principles To Cultivate for a Strong Start to Marriage

Establish an unshakable foundation during the engagement period

Published on 01 March, 2024

Douglas Ong

author

When he’s not at work or spending quality time with his fiancée in the East side of Singapore, Douglas can be found introverting in an empty cafe, dreaming of a world where men are thriving in their roles as a son, husband, father, leader, and protector. On the weekends, he can often be found at Beach Road relishing some local hawker fare, and “Macs-ing” it out with his twin brother.

The journey from engagement to marriage is like a wild rollercoaster ride, packed with twists and turns. From wedding planning to sorting out housing and navigating relationships with future in-laws, it’s a phase where couples face plenty of challenges. These challenges often bring out differences between partners, testing their communication skills and ability to resolve conflicts. The constant tension can leave couples feeling drained and questioning their decision to tie the knot.

May I suggest three principles for couples to consider building during this period?

1. Build trust with each other, not just love

For a rock-solid foundation before saying “I do,” trust is key. Love is important, sure, but trust is just as vital. Picture this: your partner showers you with love, but doubts about their character linger. Would you fully embrace their affection, or would doubt cloud your feelings?

Trust is like the safety net in a relationship, allowing love to flourish. It gives couples the confidence to share their deepest thoughts without fearing it’ll strain their bond. While it doesn’t guarantee total understanding during conflicts, it does provide stability and continuity in communication.

Trust isn’t built overnight; it grows through consistent actions over time. It’s about showing integrity and staying true to your values. Couples must understand that trust is reinforced through resolving conflicts. Without healthy conflict resolution, deep trust is hard to build. Which leads to the next point…

When relationships get to a point where there are no secrets or fear of upsetting our significant other, a deep bond of trust is built.

2. Prioritise relational repairs over avoidance of conflict

Conflicts are inevitable in relationships. It’s how you handle them that matters. Many couples think fewer fights mean a healthier bond, but it’s the honesty and willingness to work through issues that truly define a strong relationship. Listen without judgment, express your feelings openly, and validate each other’s emotions. 

When relationships get to a point where there are no secrets or fear of upsetting our significant other, a deep bond of trust is built. There is a sense of emotional connectedness and appreciation for each other that is unparalleled. It’s not easy to persevere through disagreements and to work through conflicts, but the reward of intimacy and trust on the other side is well worth the effort.

True intimacy goes beyond understanding how your partner thinks and sees the world differently, to delighting and finding the strength in these differences.

3. Reframe differences as points of celebration, not contention

No two people are the same, and that’s okay. Embracing differences is crucial. While agreeing on fundamental values is important, it’s normal to have differing views and personalities. Recognize what you can compromise on and what’s non-negotiable.

True intimacy is about cherishing these differences, not letting them drive a wedge between you. It goes beyond understanding how your partner thinks and sees the world differently, to delighting and finding the strength in these differences. It’s to reframe differences as points of celebration, not contention. This process requires open-mindedness, humility and teachability on both sides, and a strong foundation of trust established in the relationship.

By building trust, prioritizing healthy conflict resolution, and celebrating differences, engaged couples can strengthen their bond and prepare for a lifetime of love and understanding.

 

Planning to tie the knot soon? Build a strong foundation for your relationship by attending our upcoming Connect2 Marriage Workshop!


Douglas Ong

author

When he’s not at work or spending quality time with his fiancée in the East side of Singapore, Douglas can be found introverting in an empty cafe, dreaming of a world where men are thriving in their roles as a son, husband, father, leader, and protector. On the weekends, he can often be found at Beach Road relishing some local hawker fare, and “Macs-ing” it out with his twin brother.