Newlywed - Focus on the Family Singapore

Intimate Marriage

Cultivating sexual intimacy and marital passion

Intimate Marriage

Do you find it hard to express your innermost thoughts to your spouse?

Learn how you can overcome the hindrances to connection and begin to express your authentic self to your spouses. You will discover the secrets to a thriving marriage as we unlock the keys to greater marital satisfaction!

Participants will be equipped with skills to:

Understand the emotional and sexual needs of their spouse

Gain practical tips to meeting your spouse’s needs (and work towards having your own relationship needs met!)

Learn effective ways of communication and conflict resolution

Details

Duration: 1 – 1.5 hrs

Delivery Format: Talks can be conducted either onsite or online via Zoom

Find out more:
Reach out to learn how you can bring this programme to your community!

Enquiries

Connect2 is an initiative by Focus on the Family Singapore to help married couples nurture and grow their relationship.

10 Essential Ways to Prepare for Parenthood

Getting the news that one is going to become a mother or father for the first time may send a flurry of excitement and butterflies all at the same time. Envisioning our cute little bundle in our arms, we read up voraciously, google online for tips on what to expect with each pregnancy week. We browse through baby catalogues and shop online for the best baby equipment to ease our little one in. We spend time mulling over plans for the new nursery and all sorts of new parent dilemmas.

In the heart of every well-meaning parent is the question: How do we REALLY prepare for parenthood?

Here are 10 essential things you may want to consider.

1. Prepare financially

First, let’s deal with practical aspects. Having financial stability and healthy financial habits play a significant role in preparing for parenthood, especially in Singapore. So this may be a good time to sit down to discuss with your spouse the immediate, mid-term and long-term needs of your family.

Family budgeting and planning is an essential habit that will serve you well at every stage of the parenting journey. Account for all the major expenses, including healthcare, education, childcare and daily living costs and consider if there’s a need to reconfigure some funds to support your family through the different life stages.

Personally, being prudent in the early years of parenting has helped us stretch our dollars. My husband and I welcomed hand-me-down clothes and toys and other essential baby items that served us well for short periods of the children’s growth. This helped us bolster our savings for big-ticket expenses like health insurance, medical treatments or family holidays.

2. Simplify your schedules

Second, unpack your schedules where possible to have sufficient rest and recovery time, especially for the first six months. It may also be good to discuss with your spouse how your family will transition through the early years of parenthood where you might need more help and support.

Parental leave policies are well-established in Singapore and can be instrumental in helping you ease into the first few years of parenting.

Realistically, we will struggle to do it all without trading off something else like our own sleep or wellbeing.

3. Recognise your limits

For new parents, the fuss and attention often goes to the baby’s well-being. We may want to live up to the supermum or dad ideal, yet we only have 24 hours in a day. Realistically, we will struggle to do it all without trading off something else like our own sleep or wellbeing. Finding breathing space in the first few months is critical for our wellbeing as we navigate the changes as a family.

My husband and I agreed that I would take 6 months off full-time work to care for our firstborn and also to help me manage my rest and new responsibilities like nursing and baby-care.

We also decided to engage post-natal confinement help for our earlier children when we were less experienced parents to help ease us in our learning curve. Having an extra hand helped us free up time from cooking and chores, and allowed us to rest and recuperate more.

4. Foster emotional support

Emotional readiness and mental resilience is crucial for all prospective parents. Parenthood comes with a myriad of challenges and changes, from sleepless nights to balancing work-life demands. The deep joy and responsibility that comes with raising a child also comes a hair-raising spectrum of emotions: self-doubt, worry, overwhelm and even disappointment.

Building a strong support system of family, friends, experienced parents and parenting communities can help gird us with the ability to manage better the emotional ups and downs.

5. Expect stress

Becoming a parent is a major life transition. Any kind of transition, no matter how well equipped or prepared, entails some degree of stress. Despite our best intentions and preparations, we will probably need to be open to adjust our plans as we go along. Revise your expectations of yourself as you adjust to the new demands.

Don’t hesitate to ask for help when you need it, as a small break from the routine can go a long way.

6. Accept help, gladly

We can’t do it all – even if we wanted to. Family, relatives, friends, neighbours and even co-workers are often more than happy to help, if you let them know what you need. It could be as simple as a short time out to nap, shower, or take a trip to the supermarket while someone you trust cares for your baby. Don’t hesitate to ask for help when you need it, as a small break from the routine can go a long way.

7. Trust yourself

At heart, you WILL know what’s best for your baby. Filter through the mountains of solicited or unsolicited advice you’ll receive from friends, relatives, strangers, doctors and parenting blogs. Give ideas that sound good to you a shot and forget about the rest.

8. Be kind to yourself

Parenting guilt often cripples us. We need to face the fact that no matter how much we prepare, we WILL make mistakes. There’s no manual on how to parent your children right. Even “experts” often disagree about what’s best for baby and no one can give us all the answers. As your baby grows, their needs will evolve and so will our parenting. Continue to learn and relearn from your experiences while embracing the process.

Consider negotiating with employers on flexible work arrangements so that you can be there for your child’s milestones.

9. Aim for balance

In the longer term, carving out a healthy work-life balance is imperative for parents especially with Singapore’s fast-paced lifestyle and work culture.

Consider negotiating with employers on flexible work arrangements so that you can be there for your child’s milestones. Prioritise family time by scheduling bonding activities on weekends, creating family traditions, and capturing precious moments.

10. Enjoy your baby AND your spouse

Do not forget that even as you go through this journey of parenthood, your spouse is also growing along with you. While the baby may demand most of your time in the early days, remember to cultivate some meaningful time alone with your partner. Share about your hopes and fears, how things have changed, and how you can better support each other.

Parenthood is a life-changing journey – to say the least. As a parent of six, I can say candidly that we can never be fully prepared.

Even as our children grow, we too grow as individuals in the process, and as we learn through life experiences, we may find ourselves throwing some of our original mindsets out the window! As long as we embrace this journey with patience, support, and a healthy dose of optimism, we will find a way that works best for our family unit!

How to Declutter Your Marriage & Travel Light

Tidying up

“The best way to find out what we really need is to get rid of what we don’t.”

Japanese organisational guru Marie Kondo took the world by storm with her philosophy of tidying up. Instead of going from room to room to declutter your home, Marie suggests tidying up systematically by category, keeping only the things that speak to your heart and discarding those that no longer spark joy. Advocates of the Marie Kondo method have described her ideas as revolutionary, and report feeling more empowered to make clearer decisions based on whether or not an item sparks joy.

In a similar manner, our marriages also need decluttering. And the longer you are married, the more your marriage needs to be decluttered.

When you say ‘I do’

Let’s travel back in time to the day you got married. You gaze dreamily into the eyes of your beloved; and everything around you seems to fade. You hardly even remember your wedding vows; all you can remember is that somewhere down the line you uttered the simple two words, “I do.”

At that point in time, everything about your relationship seems to radiate joy — the newness of the marital relationship, the marital home, planning for children.

But years later, you realise that your marriage has become cluttered with too many things. After all, life is not a fairytale, and there is no such thing as a fairytale marriage. So the grudges, the hurts, the grievances, the resentment all build up and clutter up the marital space. As husband and wife, you do try to tidy up. You try to work on your issues one at a time, but it’s not as easy it you’d hoped it would be.

Perhaps we can take a leaf from Marie Kondo, and apply some of her tidying rules to our marriage:

Commit yourself to tidying up
Imagine your ideal lifestyle
Finish discarding first
Tidy by category not by location
Follow the right order
Ask yourself if it sparks joy

1. Commit yourself to tidying up

If we want our marriages to work, we need to commit to them. My wife and I have been married for more than 15 years, and we have had our fair share of quarrels. But one thing both of us decided early in our marriage is for it to be our first priority, and that no matter what happens, we will stand together for our marriage. If couples commit to making their marriage work, they may be more likely to overcome the challenges that life throws at them.

2. Imagine your ideal lifestyle

What is your ideal marriage? While there is no perfect marriage, there are ideals we can aim for and work towards. Every year, my wife and I ask each other “What is one thing I can do in order to be a better spouse?” We have learnt that if we are able to articulate what we want from our spouse, and if we know what our spouse wants from us, we would then be better prepared to work on our issues and become a better person.

“While there is no perfect marriage, there are ideals we can aim for and work towards.”

3. Finish discarding first

As a counsellor, I know that each of us goes through many struggles. Many of our hurts stem from experiences in our childhood, our families-of-origin or are caused by incidents in school.

We sometimes need help to deal with our past hurts, be it through sharing with a trusted friend, a mentor or a therapist. This is one of the first steps to decluttering our marriage – dealing with the years of trash accumulated even before we got married.

4. Tidy by category not by location

There are so many different aspects of our lives that we could possibly work on. So, where do we begin?

If finances are an issue, seek a money manager who can help in this area. If you need help with communication issues, perhaps an online class on marital communication would benefit you. As for deeper emotional hurts, seeing a counsellor might be the way forward for you to learn new skills and narratives to process past grievances and resentment.

5. Follow the right order

What is the right order? Marie Kondo states that there is an order in which you declutter your house – first declutter things that are less personal, working your way to the more personal items.

Likewise, for your marriage, start with the issues that seem obvious to you and your spouse. In counselling terms, these are the “presenting problems”, or issues that appear to be causing the most strain to your marriage.

As you tackle these problems, the more personal items or “root issues” will gradually surface. Sometimes, it helps to work through these difficult issues with a marital therapist.

6. Ask yourself if it sparks joy

Do the day-to-day interactions with your spouse spark joy?

If the answer is no, then take time to refocus on other aspects of your relationship that spark joy. Contrary to popular opinion, there is always something new to be discovered in marriage. Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson’s Developmental Model of Couples Therapy states that there are four stages in a marriage – the honeymoon, early marriage, middle marriage and long-term marriage periods.

Essentially this means that couples experience different challenges as they go through the different seasons of their marriage. It is important to understand what are the unique challenges that you may be facing right now in your marriage, and intentionally search for things that spark joy for the both of you.

For instance, during the years when your children are young, you could carve out date nights with your spouse. Or when your children are themselves getting married and moving out of the home, you could both learn a new hobby to rekindle the spark.

“It is only when we begin to deal with the past hurts in our lives that we can make space to rekindle joy in our marriage. “

Changing your habits

“People cannot change their habits without first changing their way of thinking.”

Old habits die hard. Many couples get trapped in negative ways of dealing with the issues in their marriage. It may be a difficult step to first commit to decluttering our marriage but it is a much-needed one. Perhaps it is only when we begin to deal with the past hurts in our lives that we can make space to rekindle joy in our marriage.

Connect2 Marriage Preparation Workshop

ABOUT

Connect2 Marriage Preparation Workshop aims to help couples address issues that they may face as newlyweds, build a solid foundation in the early years and learn how to really love each other — for life!

WORKSHOP DETAILS

Session 1: 14 Sep 2023 (Thu), 7:00pm – 9:30pm, online on Zoom
From This Day Forth – Laying the foundation for a strong marriage

Session 2: 21 Sep 2023 (Thu), 7:00pm – 9:30pm, online on Zoom
For Better Or Worse – Working through differences to become one

Session 3: 30 Sep 2023 (Sat), 9:30am – 12:30pm, in-person at the Focus Singapore office
Till Death Do Us Part – Ensuring love for a lifetime

Who should attend:

Couples who are considering marriage

Couples who are engaged

Couples in their first year of marriage

Fee: $380 per couple

The fee is inclusive of:

$70 rebate* upon completion of the workshop
Marriage resources
Participants’ workbooks
Couple Checkup™ – An online relationship assessment (find out more)
An English-speaking licensed solemniser (if required)

Please note that the Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF) requires the following for the $70 rebate:

Full attendance at the workshop
Both parties must be above 21 years old
One or both parties must be a Singapore Citizen or Singapore Permanent Resident

*Please note that the rebate may take an estimated 2 to 3 months to be processed.

For more information on the mandatory Early Marriage Support Programme for minor couples, please refer to the MSF website.

Withdrawal Policy

There will be no refunds for cancellations or no-shows upon confirmation of registration. Request for transfer of registration to another workshop/date must be communicated via email at least 5 working days before workshop start date.

Gary & Joanna Koh

Gary and Joanna present a dynamic approach in talking about love and life. Gary’s sense of humour vs. Joanna’s straight-talking approach are so different, yet both have the same passion of helping families and relationships thrive. Gary is a family counsellor and Joanna has served as CEO of local charity, Focus on the Family Singapore, for 21 years.

What to expect

Understand what love, marriage and your vows symbolise
Identify each other's differences and love languages — how to engage in effective communication
Manage healthy conflict and have a good grasp on your family finances
Understand sexual intimacy, the importance of romance and family planning
Learn how to manage expectations from your spouse, children, in-laws while balancing work-life

Format

Facilitated by a trained husband-wife couple
Insightful & practical tips
Group discussions (6-10 couples)
Activities for individual couples

Ready to register?

Do remember to mark your calendars for all 3 sessions of the workshop!

Connect2 is an initiative by Focus on the Family Singapore to help married couples nurture and grow their relationship.

Impact Stories

Here are what some participants had to say after attending this workshop

We used to resolve conflict by letting the matter rest, or having one party give in.

After attending Connect2, we learnt a variety of communication techniques to aid us in conflict resolution and the importance of addressing issues as quickly as possible. I also appreciated the facilitators' honest sharing of their own experiences; it gave us great insight as to what to expect in our marriage.

Connect2 Workshop Participant

We enjoyed the seminar thoroughly!

The seminar gave us good topics and questions for discussion, especially concerning our family of origin and how we want our new family to function in the future. It also gave us deeper insights behind the different perspective and needs of men and women, which helped us better troubleshoot problem areas.

Sam & Eveline, Connect2 Workshop Participants

Sam & Eveline, Connect2 Workshop Participants

Frequently Asked Questions

Have questions? We’re here to help.

Our curriculum is based on universal values that are applicable and essential to helping marriages thrive, regardless of participants’ religious background.

Our participants have shared that they particularly enjoy the interactive and experiential style of learning we offer at our sessions. They also value the practical tips shared which they feel can be readily and easily implemented. Participants also appreciate the opportunities given to them during the sessions to have deep and honest discussions about topics that are not usually raised in usual conversations that couples have prior to marriage.

The shifting of roles in marriage will be addressed in the group marriage preparation programme through activities and discussions. Each couple will be given opportunities to discuss and align expectations that they have towards each other regarding parenting responsibilities, distribution of household chores, management of the household budget and a myriad of other issues that will help them establish a firm foundation in order for their marriage and family to thrive.

To ensure positive workshop dynamics especially during the group discussions and activities, there will be a minimum of 6 couples each workshop, and a maximum of 10.

We do not advise this. The programme is effective only if a couple attends the session together.

Registration for this run has concluded. Indicate your interest for the next run below!

Best Date Ever

Re-Connect & Re-Ignite the Romance

“We’re both caught up in our work and would spend the weekends only to recharge and laze at home. I wanted to… reignite our relationship and to create new experiences.”

When was the last time you and your spouse had a really great date?

One that didn’t just revolve around discussing the kids, or rushed through so you could fulfil errands afterwards?

Do you reminisce when love was first sparked, enjoying long, chill dates with time for deep connection and good conversations?

We’ve prepared Best Date Ever, a special event for couples married 10 years and under, so all you need to do is dress up, turn up and enjoy yourselves together.

Let us host you with a thoughtful programme, while reviving romance and relishing each other’s attention and company. Come and create wonderful memories to strengthen your family’s foundation.

Relax, re-connect and renew the intimacy in your marriage at the Best Date Ever.

Unplug from the day-to-day routine and focus on each other. The special dinner experience offers an opportunity for couples to:

Spend special, one-on-one time over a dinner meal

Bond over fun and meaningful couple activities

Express affection and appreciation for each other

Deepen connections over intimate conversations

Generate anticipation for the next date or couple time

Gary & Joanna Koh

Missed the event?

Join the Interest List to be notified when registration opens in 2024!

Join the Interest List for 2024!

Share your experience!

How was your Best Date Ever? Share your experience with us!

Share here!

More information can be found on our FAQs. For further enquiries, please call 6336 1444 or email Xingqi.Lu@family.org.sg.

Connect2 is an initiative by Focus on the Family Singapore to help married couples nurture and grow their relationship.

Impact Stories

Here are what some participants had to say after attending the event

What really stood out was the letter we wrote to each other.

It only took minutes but being intentional about it made it so heartfelt and meaningful. Goes to show how important it is to be intentional in our relationship, so that we can sow it to make it so, so much more. I want to really devote time to go on dates from now on.

Thomas, Participant of Best Date Ever, 2022

I want to commit to having our conversations be more about us.

It is so easy to let the busyness of work, kids and life in general consume us. I want to make use of the kit to help us focus more on us.

Lena, Participant of Best Date Ever, 2022

It was such a wonderful time for us!

The conversation cards really allowed us to explore questions we never really get to talk about and to share. We plan to bring the cards along on our future dates so we will have more to talk about!

Bernard & Caron, Participants of Best Date Ever, 2022

Bernard & Caron, Participants of Best Date Ever, 2022

Special thanks to

Frequently Asked Questions

Have questions? We’re here to help.

Through the thoughtful programme, participants will be guided to revive romance and relish each other's company through:

• Couple Activities
• Connections: Conversations
• Commitment: Letter-writing

The Best Date Ever Kit includes materials needed during the programme and for future dates.

Although our event is targeted at couples who have been married for 10 years or less, we welcome all married couples regardless of the duration of marriage to join us for this event.

We won’t be serving alcohol at the dinner. Soft drinks, coffee and tea will be available throughout the dinner.

The 4-course Western menu does not contain pork or lard. If you require a Halal-certified meal, or if you have any food allergies or special dietary needs, please let us know in the registration form.

We encourage you to make all necessary arrangements to ensure that yours and your spouse's schedules are clear for Best Date Ever. There will be no refunds* for cancellations.

Requests for transfer of registration will be accepted until 23 Aug. Please email us at Xingqi.Lu@family.org.sg.

*The Organiser reserves the rights to cancel or reschedule the event due to unforeseen circumstances. Every effort, however, will be made to inform participants as soon as possible of the change. For cancellation of event by the Organiser, fees will be refunded in full.

Interest List

Connect2 Marriage Preparation

Laying the foundations for a strong marriage