Some parents tend to be overly strict; others overly indulgent. How do we achieve a healthier middle ground?

With so many parenting approaches and styles, it is no wonder that many parents are confused and ask, “What then is the best parenting technique?”

• Directive parents are overly strict. They demand instant and unquestioning obedience, and will punish their children if this is not given.
  
  Your child’s independence and emotional responsiveness will shrivel under such a harsh leadership style. You need to be an inspiring coach and equip your children to think for themselves and express their thoughts and feelings, while encouraging them to follow your lead.
• Freestyle parents are overly indulgent. They convey to their children that they – the parents – are not in charge.

If you are naturally a more compliant type of person, you may need to toughen up to become the parent your child needs. You need to level up in order to match your child’s strength.

The Parent-Coach tries to find a reasonable balance between these extremes in a manner that is appropriate to the age and personality of your child.

Effective parenting requires having the right ingredients in the right order – just like cooking a dish. If we take appropriate authority early, we can have lots of fun with our children. If you don’t establish our parental authority, we may find ourselves constantly dealing with bad behaviour, reacting to situations that arise, and losing the fun and enjoyment that a structured and functional family environment brings.

The next time our children grumble about an inconvenience, throw a tantrum, challenge us with rude behaviour, or whine for the latest toy or gadget… STOP! As emotions run high and trigger us to react impulsively, let’s put “thinking” back between our “feelings” and “actions” by asking ourselves these questions:

• Do our actions give them temporary comfort or help them in the long run?
• Are we helping them problem-solve or are we rescuing them?
• Are we giving in out of guilt because we’ve not spent enough time with them?
• Are we punishing out of our own frustration?

As parents, we need to be self-assured and willing to let our children get upset with us from time to time. We don’t need to be their buddy or best friend. We need to be their parent.

After all, we are the master builder — everyone else is a sub-contractor.

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