Most couples enter into marriage expecting great sex to happen naturally. After all, how can sex not be great between two loving, consenting adults in a committed relationship? However, just as great marriages do not just happen, great sex does not just happen too. There will be certain seasons when sex is naturally not as high a priority in your marriage, for example, during the early days of parenting. However, long periods of neglecting your sex life can be detrimental to the health of your marriage. While it may sound unromantic to intentionally spice up your sex life, sometimes it is a necessary thing to do in order to keep the fire burning in your marriage.
Here are some tips to make great sex happen in your marriage:
- Let’s talk about sex
Many people have the misunderstanding that their spouse should naturally meet all their sexual needs. However, no two individuals are the same and rather than leaving it to be a guessing game between you and your spouse, exercise initiative by communicating with your spouse about your sexual preferences and needs.
Married couples should feel safe to talk openly and honestly about their sexual likes and dislikes. Decide with your spouse that talking about sex will not be taboo in your marriage so that an open channel of communication can be established and awkwardness or fear can be abolished in all discussions about sex.
- Make love, not war
Men and women are wired differently when it comes to sex. However, couples should learn to embrace these differences rather than allow the differences to become a source of conflict. Men desire the physical connection before they can connect emotionally with their wives. Women, on the other hand, seek the emotional connection before they are willing to connect physically.
When both parties recognise that sex is a gift to their marriage and choose to put the needs of the other party before their own, they will find themselves naturally satisfying their needs in the process of satisfying their spouse’s needs.
- Stop and smell the roses
Just because you are now happily married to each other, the courtship does not end. Don’t allow complacency or busyness to cause your marriage to fall into a routine and become bored with each other. Seek out ways to keep the passion alive. Be creative and enjoy your love and sexual relationship.
Prioritise spending quality time with your spouse. If you have children, ensure that you put your spouse before your children. Arrange for a babysitter and go on a date if that is possible. If not, think of ways to date each other in the comfort of your home when the kids are asleep. Remember that a strong marriage is the best gift for your children.
Sex is the greatest natural intimacy builder in your marriage. Culture might tell you to settle for less than great sex in your marriage but it is not true! As you take time to discover each other sexually, the potential for greater intimacy and joy through the sexual bond will keep increasing over the years.
© 2016 Focus on the Family Singapore. All rights reserved.
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